When I came across this quote, it kind of startled me. It really shouldn’t have, since we all know we need to be role models to our kids and that kids pay more attention to what they see than what they hear.
So why did I find this troubling? What made me question the kind of woman I am and the kind of woman I want my daughter to be?
Wasn’t I always conscious of being someone of substance, who goes high when others go low? Haven’t I been carefully monitoring my children’s evolving personalities? Haven’t I been conscious and careful of my parenting, always evaluating my actions and my children’s reactions?
And after settling down to a calmer mood, all these questions made way for the most important questions – what do I want my daughter to be and what do I need to become to inspire her?
The first question is not as hard as the second one. Why? Well, because there is so much that I pray and aspire for my children, in general, not just my daughter. What I want for her and my son is more than what I can ever aspire for myself. Like every parent, I want my children to be better than me in all ways.
I don’t want my daughter to have any of my shortcomings nor commit any of my mistakes. I want her to have more passion and drive than I ever had. I want her to have more steel and confidence than I have.
But the one aspect of life that only mothers can teach their daughters best is how to react as a woman to different situations — most importantly, how not to take shit from anyone, especially a man.
We can’t fully control how others treat us, but we can control how we stand up for ourselves. I have now started to take more stand on things that I usually ignored or let pass because I didn’t consider them worth reacting to.
Now I have become more reactionary and most of these reactions are reflections of the stands one needs to take as a woman and a person. I don’t always act or react in the right way, but there is also a lesson for her to learn from this and handle situations in a better way.
Parenting is hard, and parenting teens is as hard as it can get. It means constantly trying different ways to connect with your teen, and quickly changing tactics when one doesn’t work. We are constantly questioning ourselves, wondering if what we are doing is wrong or what the child is doing is wrong?
There really isn’t a wrong or right way of parenting, I think, because each child is different, each parent is different and each family’s dynamics is different. Whatever works well in keeping the communication, trust and respect in the family is the right way. Whichever direction the child takes, as long as the child is a happy, honest, hardworking and God-fearing person, they have turned out well.
